I watched the now viral Pantene 'Not Sorry' advert the other day and was highly amused at what was (shamefully) a very accurate reflection of what I do all the time - as my friends will attest to.
"Sorry".
I'm not sure if it's the passive aggressive use of the word that non-English people often miss and mistake for real regret or if I really mean 'sorry'. My foundations are South African and I lived in the States for a few years and there the word sorry got me into a lot of trouble. I could see it drove everyone mad. "What are you apologising for?!"
I wasn't really sure.
When my UK friends come and stay with me now it's a house full of 'sorry's' and I don't think we even notice it. I don't think we walk around feeling 'less than', it's just the British thing we do. I have OFTEN used it in a passive aggressive "Please move, can't you see I'm late" way. I've always thought the Brits were amazing that when being rude the word 'sorry' nearly always makes an appearance. "Sorry but you're loud and incredibly annoying" or "Sorry but your child is a maniac".
After reading the once again ridiculous 'troll' comments underneath this video not only was I staggered at the general rage out there and how forums like You Tube bring those blighters out like mosquitoes after the rain, but it did make me think about the content of that video and the point it was trying to make (and how angry it made everyone - don't bother to read them. it'll also just wind you up and make you want to drink). Was this a male/female thing, our generation's issues, conditioning based on our nationalities. I haven't got a clue.
There are times when we say sorry and clearly don't mean it, but there are times (as I'm sure with most of us) when I hear myself saying sorry for saying sorry, and then saying "Oh no! Sorry I just said it again!". I do wonder if there is some subconscious thought that if we say sorry we won't get knocked back so quickly, people may be easier on us, may like us more or we might be 'less offensive'.
Who knows, I'll leave that up to a therapist to figure out, it's already getting too deep. But perhaps at least this has made me think just a little more about being mindful about what I apologise for.
For being in the room - it seems crazy, but I've done it.
For being late - that's appropriate.
In a Passive Aggressive "please move" way - then I could do better.
I think it's become so unconscious I'm not sure how to pull it back. Funny how as children it's a word we are made to say again and again and now here I am having to unlearn it. But it's something to be mindful of at least.
x Jo